4 Things To Do When You Can’t Stop Beating Yourself Up


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We all have those days where it seems like you can’t do anything right. You spill coffee on your white shirt, you’re late to an important meeting, and you forgot your lunch in the fridge at home. As a result, you start to internally berate yourself. “I’m so dumb” or “I can’t do anything right.” If you find yourself stuck in this endless loop of beating yourself up, see how these 4 things work for you.


1. Thought Stopping

It might sound silly but literally stopping a negative thought is one of the simplest ways to get out of this habit. By imagining a stop sign or verbally say, “stop” when the thoughts come can act as a gentle reminder that you’re trying to change. This creates a new habit in exchange for your self-criticism.


2. Thought Replacing

Once you’ve successfully stopped a thought you need to replace it. Instead of saying something like “I can never do anything right” replace that with “I’m committed to learning and bettering myself.” You’re deserving of compassion, even from yourself.


3. Be Realistic

In the age of instant everything, it’s hard to remain realistic about trying to change bad habits. You’re not going to be free from your self-criticism right away. Additionally, you’ll likely want to spend some time analyzing some of your habits and daily activities. Just be sure that you’re doing so in a balanced way and staying focused on the present. You can’t change the fact that you never exercised enough in the past but you can focus on doing one active activity today.


4. Do Something You Enjoy

The problem with self-critical thoughts is that it’s easy to get stuck in them. In fact, they can be so bad you almost feel paralyzed by them. So get up and do something you enjoy! Do something that makes you feel good. Doing something you like boosts your confidence and makes you feel good.


Everyone is a little self-critical at times, which isn’t always a bad thing. Being a little critical allows us to improve ourselves. However, it becomes a problem when we become overly critical and allow that criticism to control our lives and our happiness. Self-criticism can result in anxiety, depression, and a loss of interest in things you once enjoyed. If you’re struggling with your critical thoughts, counseling might be able to help. By offering an outside view of your thoughts, you can gain better clarity. If you’re curious about how counseling can help you, contact us today to schedule an appointment.


Self Esteem And Your Personal Goals

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Self-esteem is what separates your personal standards from another’s. Individuals with positive self-esteem tend to have high, yet realistic goals for their life. They’re not afraid to set high goals and go after them. On the other hand, those with low self-esteem set unrealistically high expectations for themselves or live with unnecessarily low standards.


Why is Self-Esteem Important?

Self-esteem is what allows you to put in the work to achieve the goals you desire. Whether those goals are personal, social, romantic or other, self-esteem gives you the power to achieve what you need to achieve in order to feel a sense of fulfillment.


What Does Injured Self-Esteem Look Like?

Injured self-esteem relates to the level of standards you set for yourself. Injured self-esteem can manifest as perfectionism or have no standards at all. Saying things like, “it doesn’t matter” or “I don’t care” when you actually do care and it actually does matter. Those without injured self-esteem can set realistic goals for themselves and don’t berate themselves for not moving a mountain in one day. For example, if you have a cluttered home it’s unrealistic to expect yourself to de-clutter your entire home in one day. Rather, it’s more realistic to clean and de-clutter one or two rooms at a time.


General Patterns of Injured Self-Esteem

A common part of injured self-esteem is low expectations. For example, dating the first person who shows an interest in you It can also manifest as settling for poor service, interviewing for a job in which you have no interest, and never making your preferences known. These low standards can show up in your relationships, friendships, and career. As a result, you may experience an increase in external and internal conflict and perpetuate a cycle of never feeling like you are enough.


Counseling for Healthy Self-Esteem

Too high or too low self-esteem can make living and enjoying your life nearly impossible. When your self-esteem is out of balance, you can set your self up in situations that are not conducive for living a happy, healthy life. If you feel like your personal standards are out of balance, counseling can help. By helping you create healthy standards, draw healthy boundaries, and set realistic and achievable goals for yourself. Choosing to adopt appropriate standards for yourself can help you to increase the overall quality of your life. Schedule an appointment today to discuss how you can improve your life with a healthy dose of self-esteem.


4 Signs It’s Time to See a Therapist About Your Perfectionism


There’s nothing wrong with taking pride in your work and striving to do your best. Everyone, to some degree, suffers from perfectionism. If you’re not sure if you do think about a time you were afraid to start something because the conditions weren’t perfect. Or a time when you thought something looked like fun but you were afraid to try. Perfectionism can manifest in different ways and it can truly suck the fun and the life out of you. Perfectionism can cause depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other mental health issues. The following are some warning signs to look for:


1. Setting Extremely High Standards for Yourself

Do you find yourself giving your friends and family a pass in life but holding yourself to completely different standards that are almost impossible to live up to? Having high standards for yourself is not the problem, it’s the unrealistic expectations to never fail or mess up that makes these standards so dangerous and impossible.


2. Frequent Procrastination

Perfectionism often manifests as procrastination because you’re afraid to move forward with something out of fear of nothing being “perfect.” This can cause problems with you achieving your highest goals and even simple daily goals.


3. Spending too Much Time Completing a Task

If it’s taking you hours to complete a simple task you may be letting your perfectionism get the best of you. Your excessively high standards are preventing you from completing tasks in a timely manner and moving on with your day.


4. Ruminating Over Mistakes

Reflection is an important part of life and it’s good to reflect on your past mistakes. However, ruminating over these mistakes and beating yourself up about it could be a negative result of your perfectionism. What’s done is done and beating yourself up now about it won’t change the outcome. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and do better next time.


Imperfection is what makes every person unique. Mistakes and failures are opportunities for you to learn and grow when you can view them in a positive way. Unfortunately, perfectionism can capture your essence and hijack your mind, making you feel inadequate and a failure. Perfectionism effects men and women of all ages and at every stage of life. If you’re noticing perfectionism negatively impacting your life, you might benefit from counseling. Schedule an appointment and get your life back! You deserve to live happily, imperfections and all.


5 Myths About Therapy


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For many people, therapy has become stigmatized and polarized. You’re either crazy or something terribly traumatic has happened to you. But what about everyone else in between? You don’t have to have experienced something traumatic or have a mental illness to seek out and benefit from therapy. In fact, many people would be totally surprised to realize just how beneficial 6 months of therapy or counseling can be for them. The floor is opening up and people are addressing the fact that therapy is helpful for all ages and genders. However, despite this, there are still some seriously harmful myths floating around.


1. Therapy is for Crazy People

A therapist or counselor can provide and open up a whole new world of support and self discovery. The idea that therapy is for crazy people is a total farce and has been perpetuated throughout the media for years. Yes, therapist can help those suffering from psychological illnesses. But the reality is that they also help generally healthy and functional individuals. Many people choose to puruse therapy because they want to know themselves better, want to feel better, trying to improve a situation, or just want to make sense of their lives up until this point.


2. Therapy is About Being Analyzed

“And how does that make you feel?” is usually a phrase associated with therapy. This phrase often makes people feel analyzed, which is one of the (many) reasons why people are afraid to seek out therapy. In actuality, therapy is a team effort between you and your therapist. The whole being “psychologically disected” trope is just simply not true. Therapy focuses on gaining self-knoweldge and creating respectful and healthy dialogue between client and therapist.


3. Therapy Keeps You Stuck in the Past

While it’s not totally uncommon to discuss past events to connect them to current behaviors, the purpose of therapy is not to keep you stuck in the past but to help you move on and feel good about it. Therapy is a dynamic process that involves an understanding of past to better understand present day challenges.


4. Therapy Takes Forever

The length of time therapy takes is completly up to you and your therapist. For some people, all they need is 1 session that allows them the space to openly discuss an issue to gain perspective and that’s it. For others, it may be longer. The idea that therapy requires 5 sessions a week for a life time is simply false.


5. Therapy is Expensive

Many therapists take insurance, work on a sliding scale, and offer discounted group therapy sessions in lieu of private individual sessions. If they don’t accept your insurance, they’re likely to refer you to another office that does. What many people don’t realize is that therapy is an investment in yourself and you are your greatest investment and therapy is the asset that will pay out in dividends for many years.


If you’re curious about counseling, there’s no better time to reach out than now. Give us a call today to schedule your first appointment. You might love it, you might hate it but the point is, you tried it.

Can You be too Old to Benefit from Therapy?


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The short answer is no, you’re never too old or too lost to receive all the wonderful benefits therapy gives you. Today, we have a collective fear of aging. Often feeling as if we’re “too late” to enjoy certain aspects of life. Fortunately, that’s just simply not true. It’s never too late to enjoy life. In fact, therapy can help you come to terms with aging. Here are some ways therapy in your later years can help make aging easier.


1. Better Understanding of Aging and Geriatric Issues

Life is a series of transitions and some people look forward to their final transition into their golden years. But with like any transition, there’s a load of issues, changes, and difficulties that come along. For many people, aging means spouses have passed on, friends pass on, health issues become more apparent, and the idea of having to live in a home sparks fear. Therapy can help you with these new challenges and changes.


2. Medical Issues with Aging

You might still feel like you’re 20-something but the reality is that distinguishing the normal effects of aging versus physical or mental illness becomes increasingly difficult. You’re likely to experience some changes in cognition and this in itself can be difficult. Medical issues can cause anxiety and depression, which therapy can help manage.


3. Mental Health Concerns

Depression, paranoia, and anxiety are just some of the mental health issues that come along with aging. Additionally, dementia can impact aging adults. Mental health concerns associated with aging can come along as early as your 40s. As a result, you may experience insomnia, fatigue, substance abuse issues, and behavioral concerns like aggression. Therapy can help you find healthy ways to manage your mental health so that you can live happy and healthy.


Therapy is for all Ages

The reality is therapy is beneficial for all ages. You’re never too old to seek the help of a professional counselor. The fear of getting older can set in as early as in your 20s or 30s. So, whether you’re still in your youth or well into your golden years, seeing a counselor can help you obtain real results and relief from anxiety, depression, and stress. If you or your parent or your grandparent is suffering with grasping the reality of aging, talk to them about therapy. You can schedule an appointment with one of our trained counselors to help you and your loved one heal no matter what stage of life you’re in.


Shame and PTSD Recovery


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During C-PTSD recovery it’s not uncommon for patients to feel shameful. The trauma experienced and the reality the trauma continues to create is full of lies, myths, and distortions. Losing right of what’s real and what’s not is extremely common and is usually when the shame emotion begins to sink in. Shame often drives the feeling of not being good enough and an overwhelming sense of humiliation. The feeling of shame is driven externally by the fear that others will discover what you’re trying to hide. Shame is extremely isolating and can have adverse effects on your overall physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. Here are a few ways to help resolve shame as you continue with your C-PTSD recovery.


Explore the Shame

Exploring your shame in a way that allows your name, clarify, and organize your thoughts will help you to begin working things out. Asking yourself questions like

  • What is this shame about?
  • When do you first remember feeling this way?
  • Is this feeling tied to a specific person, place, or situation?
  • Are there any perceived personal defects that this shame stems from?

Doing this will help you organize your thoughts and help you base your thoughts in the current reality rather than from the distorted reality the shame is making you see.


Define and Describe

What does the shame mean to you? Writing down what you feel shameful about and what it means to you can help you clarify the subject. It also helps you to separate yourself from the emotion to be able to look at it from an objective point of view. From here you can view how accurate what you’re feeling is saying about you actually is. The truth is, there’s so much more to you than what the shame is making you feel there is.


Form a Statement

Many times shame makes you magnify your perceived defects. You begin to think and feel that everyone can see these defects and knows about them. The fact of the matter is, most of these defects are perceived and totally invisible to the world. Forming a statement that reminds you that you’re more than your perceived defects and reading it or repeating it to yourself every time you start to feel a shame spiral start can help pull you out.


Dealing with C-PTSD is not easy to do on your own. Although it is possible, professional counseling can have a dramatically positive impact on the success rate of healing. However, it is important to remember that healing is a journey. Some days you may feel like you’ve taken 5 steps forward and other days you may feel as if you’ve taken 20 steps back. There’s no universal right or wrong way to heal. Schedule an appointment today with us to discuss the healing journey that’s right for you.


Change Your Bad Habits In A Few Simple Steps


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Did you know that you have the power to change your bad habits at any point? You don’t need to wait until the New Year to make positive life changes. However, changing your bad habits is a lot easier said than done. If you’re struggling with changing a bad habit, here’s how to make things a little easier.


Get Defined

It’s easy to say, “I want to lose weight” or “I want to exercise more” but neither of those is very defined. What is it that you need to do differently in order to ensure that you’re successful in losing weight or exercising? Defining your goals will help them not only seem more manageable but more achievable as well. Saying, “I will exercise for 1 hour 3x a week” is better than just saying you want to start exercising.


Find Your “Why”

Changing a bad habit isn’t easy because often times there are a lot of emotional attachments and underlying causes of the habit. Perhaps you drink too much because you’ve been stressed at work. Maybe you haven’t been eating right because you’re having relationship issues. Find out why you’re engaging in this bad habit. From there you will be able to feel more connected to your goal of breaking the habit because you know why you want to break it. You want to feel better, look better, be better, do better, etc.


Be Patient

Whether you’ve had this habit for a month, a year, or 5 years, you’re not going to automatically change overnight. Change is a process and a journey. Change can take anywhere between 18 and 254 days. So don’t beat yourself up if you can’t totally quit the habit cold turkey or if it’s been 6 months and you have a slip-up. You’re not perfect and neither is your journey. Give yourself some credit.


Celebrate Your Successes

Acknowledge your successes! Breaking a habit is not for the weak. So even the smallest win is worth celebrating. Find healthy ways to treat yourself that fall in line with your new values. Get a massage, see that movie you’ve been wanting to see, go offline for a day and enjoy the world. Whatever you do, just make sure you reward yourself.


Habits develop for a variety of reasons. Sometimes we use a habit to cope with stress, sometimes we use a habit to make life seem easier. As difficult as change may seem and be, it is possible. If you’re struggling to make positive life changes, maybe we can help. Call us today to schedule an appointment and find out how counseling can help you create the change you wish to see in your life.


Jump Starting Your Motivation



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Getting motivated to do the things we want to do and the things we need to do is sometimes more difficult than whatever task we have at hand. Many people struggle with not only getting motivated but staying motivated. There’s a number of reasons why our motivation seems to dry up when we need it most. Fatigue, not knowing where to start, finding excuses, and fear of judgement are all motivation killers. Then it seems like we beat ourselves up for not being motivated. If you’re constantly getting stuck because of lack of motivation, here’s how to jump start your motivation!


1. Go Public

You can’t always be responsible for holding your self accountable for achieving certain goals. Which is why going public with your goals can help you stay accountable. As scary as it may be to let other people in on your goals, it can help you stay focused and motivated to see the goal through till the end.


2. Remember Your Why

Why did you start this goal? Why do you want this goal? Remembering your why can help you stay motivated to finish. Your why needs to be for you and not for someone else. Your why is your higher cause, your vision. The why helps you seek a new level of meaning and figure out the mechanics of completing the goal.


3. Set a 15-Minute Timer

Sometimes our goals fall to the wayside because we let chores like laundry, dishes, taxes, errands, etc. pile up. Set a 15-minute timer daily and see how much you can get done. De-clutter your desk, put your laundry away, sanitize your bathroom. Whatever it is that you need to get done and can get done in those 15 minutes will boost your confidence and motivation to keep taking your day on.


4. Use the Buddy System

The buddy system is great because you have someone else holding you accountable and depending on you to do what you said you would. Using the buddy system allows you to set a system of check-ins and check-ups to see how both of you are moving forward. Using a buddy can help you both stay motivated and on track to success.


The biggest assumption people make is that you’ll just one day wake up and feel motivated! Unfortunately, motivation is something that you have to work on and practice daily. Utilizing one or more of these strategies can help make staying motivated seem easier. If you’re still struggling with staying motivated to complete daily tasks, even tasks like showering, brushing your teeth, or taking care of yourself, give us a call. We can help identify where and why your motivation has fallen off and help you set up a system of checks and balances to get your self back on track.


When To Let A Friendship Go


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Friendship is such a special part of life. To have good friends is really what makes life worth living sometimes. Friends are supposed to brighten your life, make you laugh, bring you joy, and share all the special, fun, and even ugly parts of life. But what happens when a friendship starts to become toxic? With so many good memories together, it can feel even worse than heartbreak to end a friendship. So how do you know when to let a friendship go?


They Put You Down

Friends are supposed to build you up not put you down. This can be hard to detect when it’s happening. It can start off as just joking around. But it can also be a friend who doesn’t celebrate your successes, diminishes your accomplishments, and speaks poorly about you behind your back to other people.


They Only Contact You When They Need Something

A healthy friendship is all about give and take. If your friend is doing all the taking and you’re doing all the giving, something’s not right. This can come in the form of only reaching out to you when they need something from you. It can also be when they somehow manage to turn every conversation to being about them. Additionally, it can be when they act too busy to be bothered with you.


They Only Want to be Miserable

Everyone has highs and lows in life and for some people, those lows last longer than others. That’s okay. However, some people just seem to never want to be happy and misery loves company. As hard as it may be to feel like you’re leaving your friend during their time of need, sometimes you have to cut them off. It’s okay to draw a line and set boundaries when it comes to friends who seem to only want to complain and be miserable.


Friendship is one of life’s greatest gifts. Which is why it can hurt so bad when you realize that a friend isn’t really good for you anymore. If a friendship is leaving you feeling depleted, lonely, and feeling bad about yourself it’s time to let that relationship.

The difficult part is that making friends isn’t always that easy. Between work, family, and other obligations it can seem impossible to make friends. Putting yourself out there after you’ve been burned by a bad friendship is hard. If you’re struggling to create meaningful connections with others, give us a call. We can help you build confidence and learn how to identify and create solid, meaningful friendships with others.


What To Remember If You’re Having Thoughts Of Suicide


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In light of recent news of the iconic 90s fashion designer Kate Spade’s passing, it’s time to open up the floor to discuss suicide. It doesn’t matter what your age, background, socio-economic status, or race is. Suicidal thoughts and ideations can impact people from all walks of life and backgrounds. Even the wealthiest among us are still susceptible to suicidal thoughts, unfortunately. Suicidal thoughts can include depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and even eating disorders. All of which are temporary and can be managed and fixed. The first thing to remember is that you’re not alone and help is always just phone call, a text message, or a click away. If you’re struggling with thoughts of suicide or suicidal ideations here’s what you need to remember.


1. This Crisis is Temporary– Suicide is Not

Understand that whatever crisis you’re going through is temporary. Suicide is a permanent solution. Even though, at times, it may feel like this feeling will never end, know that it will. It’s so easy to get caught up in whatever crisis is happening at the moment and fail to see the better days ahead. But good things do happen and they will. Unexpected, positive events will occur, the tides will change, and you will feel better. Better days are ahead.


2. Not Everything Is as It Seems

With social media, it’s hard to not envy other people and their lives. You’ve got friends jetting off to foreign islands, classmates getting promotions and raises, and professional travelers and hobbyists. Everyone seems to have it all together except for you, right? Wrong. Everyone experiences bad days, hard times, and gets the blues. Social media is so highly curated and you rarely, if ever, get to see the hard days people have. Just because it seems like someone has it all, doesn’t mean they feel good. They’re human just like you are.


3. There are Reasons to Live

It might not seem like it in the pit of it but there are a million and one reasons to live. If you’re struggling to find a reason, make a list. Even though it may not seem like it, for whatever reason, your friends, family, co-workers, will all miss you. You have no idea the actual depth and impact you have on people’s lives. How you’ve touched so many people and didn’t even know it. Making a list of things that make you feel good or that you would miss if you were gone will help you remember why you need to keep going.

Suicide is never the answer. If you’re experiencing suicidal ideations or thoughts please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255. They’re available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. If you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, issues with substance abuse or issues with food, please give us a call. Our counselors can help you manage your symptoms and get control of your life again. You don’t have to be alone with your heavy thoughts. We can help.



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