Tips for Coping With Loneliness

loneliness

Depending on which report you read, between 50-75% of Americans struggle with loneliness. The risk of loneliness peaks and troughs throughout your life. For example, many people in their 20s struggle to develop meaningful relationships as they’re still getting to know themselves, while aging people may suffer from loneliness as they outlive their partners and friends.

Loneliness doesn’t necessarily correlate to social isolation. It’s the way you feel. We’ve all had those moments in which we’re entirely alone, despite being in a crowd. In fact, this discrepancy can even exacerbate your feelings of loneliness.

Loneliness often stems from the difference between the social connections you have and the social connections you want. Even if you have a wide circle of friends, if you don’t feel like it’s enough, you’ll feel alone.

Loneliness is a feeling, not a fact.

Like all emotions, loneliness ebbs and flows. You may feel like you’re completely isolated, but you can take action to reduce your loneliness.

Broaden your opportunities to meet new people

It’s challenging to make friends as an adult. But you can take steps to connect with new people and develop new friendships.

You can sign up for a class about something you’re interested or volunteer about something you’re passionate about to meet new people who have similar interests. If you’re athletically inclined, join a sports team or club.

There are also a few apps available to help you meet new friends. Bumble has a BFF filter to help women find friends based on profiles, shared interests, and geographic locations.

Work on developing your existing relationships

You can also build your existing relationships. As we age, our responsibilities tend to grow, leaving less time for friends. However, it’s worth putting in the planning and effort to see your friends more often. Consider hosting a regular, low-key Sunday dinner or arrange to do your Target run with a friend you haven’t seen for a while. You can catch up while you shop.

Lay off social media

Scrolling through Instagram and seeing the carefully curated and posed images from people’s lives can make you feel left out and unsuccessful. Ironically, studies have shown that the illusion of connectedness offered by social media is actually so unfulfilling, that frequent users often feel even lonelier and segregated.

Consider a pet

consider a pet

If you live alone, consider adopting a pet. Having a living animal waiting for you at home gives you something to look forward to. Even if your pet can’t talk back to you, they still have a personality and offer companionship and comfort.

In addition to these practical steps to abate loneliness, you can also invest some time in yourself and learn to cope with the negative feelings of loneliness.

Recognize your negative thoughts

In many cases, recognizing negative thought patterns is the first step to coping with your emotions. Loneliness may begin with a thought, like “Everyone is having fun without me” which can lead to feelings of rejection, loneliness, and sadness. Learn to recognize those negative thoughts and let them go before they trigger your emotions.

Change your story

One way to adjust the way you respond to thoughts of being alone, it to change your story. Yes, the other people at work have gone out for happy hour again, but you didn’t want to go. It’s your choice to stay at home on Sunday morning, treating yourself to fresh coffee and the crossword puzzle in bed. You’re doing that makes you happy.

Take steps to enjoy “me” time

Which brings us to the next point: Learn to enjoy your own company and indulge in “me” time. Discover what makes you happy and do it as frequently as you can. You’ll feel happier and more fulfilled, whether you enjoy that activity on your own or with friends. Treat yourself from time to time, whether it’s indulging in the brownies that call to you from the coffee shop display case every morning on your way to work, finally buying that vintage handbag you’ve been eyeing online for months, or booking a vacation or weekend away.

Get therapy

If you find that you’re stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts and loneliness, make an appointment to talk to one of the compassionate counselors at North Brooklyn Therapy. They can help you learn to cope with your feelings and develop strategies to reduce your loneliness.

Tips for Dealing With Social Anxiety

social anxiety

Almost 7% of American adults live with social anxiety disorder. That’s around 15 million adults who live with an intense fear of social situations, talking to others, or meeting new people. Everyone feels nervous about public speaking or other social events from time to time, but if you actively avoid social situations because of negative thoughts and feelings or your life is otherwise negatively impacted, you should talk to a professional counselor and learn techniques to manage your fears.

What is social anxiety?

Social anxiety is a type of anxiety disorder that causes intense fears about social situations. While you may associate anxiety with fears and worries, it’s actually more of a four-step cycle.

  • You may start with some negative thoughts, such as “I won’t know anyone but the host at this party.”
  • Those negative thoughts trigger your negative emotions like fear.
  • Your emotions trigger a physical response such as sweating, dizziness, or nausea
  • You try to control or hide your anxiety, which ultimately makes you feel worse

And then the next time you face a social situation, not only do you have negative thoughts about the event, but you also have memories of the anxiety you felt in previous social settings, which could exacerbate your thoughts and feelings.

Tips for dealing with social anxiety

While social anxiety might feel insurmountable and make you just want to stay at home, you can learn to cope with your thoughts and feelings, which will help you to change your behaviors. Facing your fears is challenging, so don’t lose heart if progress is slow.

Practice assertiveness

People with social anxiety are usually unassertive and uncomfortable expressing their thoughts or feelings. You can practice using assertive language, such as I statements with a trusted friend or family member. You could start with something safe, such as “I like pizza” and work towards more bold statements like “I feel hurt when you don’t call me back” The more you practice sharing, eventually it gets easier.

social anxiety

Have a few conversation starters prepared

If you’re nervous about group social settings, regardless of whether you know anyone else, you can have a few conversation-starting questions in mind. Being curious about other people can help them to get talking, and before you know it, you’re having a conversation. For example, a question about what someone had for lunch can start a great discussion about the best place to get falafel in Greenpoint, or you could ask how another guest knows the host. Remember, being curious and kind will help you focus on what other people are saying instead of fixating on your own fears.

Practice positive nonverbal communication

Often, when you feel nervous, you may take a defensive stance. For example, you may cross your arms over your chest or avoid eye contact. You might even pull out your phone and scroll to avoid having to talk to anyone. If you practice open postures, such as standing with your arms at your sides and making eye contact, you will look and feel more friendly and approachable. It takes practice, but your posture can influence your confidence.

Recognize and reduce your negative thinking

This is a tough one, but if you can learn to recognize your negative thoughts, you can adjust the way you respond to them. For example, if you catch yourself thinking something like “No one will talk to me at the party,” you can examine your thought and compare it to your experiences before your negative feelings and physical symptoms kick in.

Don’t personalize other people’s behaviors

You might also discover that you’re attempting to read people’s minds and allowing your fears to influence your interpretation of situations. Imagine you’re talking to someone at a party and they yawn. You might think that you’re boring them, but in reality, they may have just had a long week and be ready to go home and go to bed, and their yawn has nothing to do with you at all.

If you feel nervous about social situations and your fears are negatively impacting your life, contact North Brooklyn Therapy and schedule an appointment to talk to one of the licensed therapists. They offer compassionate and expert counseling services to help you lead your best life.

Signs Anger Is Interfering With Your Life

angry

Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. Let’s be honest, life can be pretty frustrating, and anger feels strong, often giving you the push to address the issue that triggered the feeling in the first place. However, if you’re angry all the time or can’t express your anger appropriately, your anger may end up having a negative impact on your life.

There are several different types of ways that anger can manifest. For example, your early warning signs of anger may be physical, and you may notice:

  • Muscle tension
  • Clenched jaw
  • Headaches
  • Stomachache
  • Increased heart rate
  • Feeling hot or sweating
  • Shaking

However, your anger may also manifest in your mood and behavior. For example, you may become irritable and short-tempered and things that wouldn’t usually bother you may trigger your anger. You may also lash out verbally, yelling, calling names, or swearing. Anger can also make you reach for substances like cigarettes, alcohol, or other drugs.

When does anger become a problem?

Anger becomes a problem when you can’t control it, and your behavior affects your relationships and ability to succeed at work or school. For example, any physical or verbal violence, directed toward yourself or another person is a sign of a problem. Physical violence is never acceptable behavior.

Similarly, you may lash out verbally at your friends or family members, or you may be prone to sarcasm or passive aggressive comments. These verbal expressions of anger can make the people around you feel uncomfortable, and they may start to avoid your company.

Anger is also a problem when it interferes with your ability to get along at work or school. While both work and education can be stressful and have frustrating moments that can make you angry, you must learn to express yourself in a controlled and constructive manner. You don’t have to like your workmates; you just have to get along so that you can get your work done well.

Some of the signs that anger is a problem include:

  • Struggling to soothe or calm your angry feelings
  • Acting out violently such as punching a wall
  • Accusing friends and family members of going behind your back or disrespecting you
  • Reacting quickly and violently to small problems
  • Throwing or breaking objects during an argument
  • Having the same arguments over and over
  • Regretting your actions immediately after an argument

If you’re concerned about your ability to control your anger and recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, make an appointment with one of the therapists at North Brooklyn Therapy for anger management support.

What is anger management?

How do you manage your anger?

Anger management uses therapy to help you learn to control your anger. While your therapist tailors your sessions to meet your specific needs, in most cases, anger management often follows a similar process.

First, you learn to identify your triggers as well as the early physical or emotional warning signs of anger. Then, you and your therapist work together to practice techniques to control the way you respond to your anger. For example, you may learn methods to calm down before returning to the situation, or you may practice non-aggressive communication techniques to express your anger.

Your therapist may also work with you on problem-solving skills. Then, when you’re faced with a challenging situation, you can use those skills to resolve the situation instead of getting angry and letting your emotions get the best of you.

Anger management can help you learn to use your frustration constructively. You can funnel your energy into more positive behaviors and get things done. You’ll also improve your communication skills and repair your relationships with your friends and family.

If you’re concerned that anger is interfering with your life, contact North Brooklyn Therapy today to schedule an assessment.

How to Cope With Argumentative People

argumentative

Your partner might not even notice that they’re argumentative, or that when they think you’re having a conversation, you feel like you’re having a fight. They may have learned this communication style as a child, or they may have insecurities or fears that make them feel defensive or shameful  — everyone has something that makes them feel this way.

Your partner may have an argumentative personality, which makes them feel the need to argue their point of view, no matter how trivial the subject matter seems to you. Argumentative  personalities often feel they’re being direct and honest about their feeling, but their communication styles are perceived as combative or aggressive.

What is an argumentative personality

Some people are just argumentative and have lots of strong opinions. But there’s a big difference between a spirited debate and an argument. Argumentative personalities could stem from a wide range of factors including:

  • Communication behaviors learned in childhood
  • Unhappiness
  • Insecurity or shame
  • Defensiveness
  • History of emotional abuse
  • Clinical personality disorder (narcissist, borderline, etc)

It’s also possible they’ve lost their curiosity or have become jaded. People who are curious about others are often better listeners and able to debate a topic without aggression. However, if your partner has lost their curiosity or aren’t interested in other people’s point of view, they may not care what you or anyone else has to say about anything or not have respect for the opinions of others.

Signs of an argumentative personality

People with argumentative personalities are usually self-absorbed. They often find fault with everything or don’t agree with anything you say. Their favorite phrases are:

  • You’re wrong
  • No offense, but
  • It’s your fault

They often have little insight into their own behavior and how it impacts others. Even if they’re not necessarily arguing with you, they probably have bigger, better, or more famous stories than you, to make themselves appear more knowledgeable or powerful. An often, if you call them out on their behavior, they’ll find a way to make the argument your fault or blame you for getting upset while they’re just “having a conversation” with you. Often, they’re defensive, especially when they interact with someone whose opinions differ from their own.

Spending time with an argumentative person isn’t all bad

While spending time with an argumentative person can be exceptionally frustrating and exhausting, you may also find that you develop your skills to stand up for yourself and articulate your thoughts clearly and logically. You’ll hone your skills and fine tune your abiltiy to debate a topic.

How to live with an argumentative personality

First, in many cases, argumentative personalities stem from insecurity and their defensive communications may stem from their perception that they need to defend themselves. You may find that you are more patient and empathetic to argumentative people and their immature communication methods when you realize that their nature stems from insecurity and fears.

argumentative

You can also reduce the risk of arguments by changing the way you make requests or ask questions. For example, you may find that you get a more positive response with statements such as “I need you to pick up bread and milk on your way home from work” instead of questions like “Do you think you can stop at the grocery store on your way home.”

You may also find that statements that are meant to calm the situation such as “Let’s discuss this peacefully” or “I don’t want to argue” are more like red flags to a bull than soothing phrases. The argumentative person in your life may perceive these phrases as criticism or even bait for a fight.

Remind yourself that their argumentative nature is usually a learned behavior that can change with support and practice. You can talk to the licensed counselors at North Brooklyn Therapy about how to improve your communication skills and support your partner. The team can also provide customized therapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), to help your partner learn to recognize and modify their negative thoughts and behaviors.

Tips to manage your arguments

Obviously, losing your temper, raising your voice, or getting emotional isn’t going to make your communication any clearer. However, you can take a few steps to slow your arguments without giving in or withdrawing from the conversation.

Try phrases such as “Let me think about that” to buy a little time to consider how you want to respond to a comment. Taking your time to articulate an answer can help you be as clear as possible.

You may also say something such as “You may be right” or “I understand what you’re saying.” These phrases show a willingness to compromise and empathy.  If your partner is arguing or acting defensively, these phrases may help them feel like you are hearing what they’re saying.

If you’re constantly arguing with your partner, or a friend or family member, you can be supportive of them and encourage them to talk to a counselor. Ultimately, you can’t make them do anything, and you can only change your own point of view and behavior. You don’t need to give in or avoid the argumentative person in your life, but you can improve your own communication skills and identify the topics that you’re willing to compromise on or agree to disagree.

The experienced licensed counselors at North Brooklyn Therapy can help you improve your communication and control your own negative thoughts and feelings. Or, if you think that you’re argumentative, they can help you explore and resolve the issues that contribute to your behavior and repair and strengthen your relationships with friends, family, and other loved ones.

6 Ways to Manage Anxiety

anxiety

When anxiety or a panic attack hits, your heart rate spikes. Your breathing becomes shallow. You may start to sweat or shake. You might worry that your next breath will be your last. Or perhaps, you live with a constant low-grade fear of the future. If you’re one of the more than 40 million Americans who live with an anxiety disorder, these feelings are familiar.

What Is Anxiety

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health disorders affecting Americans today. The intrusive and irrational fears disrupt your attendance at work and school. It can stop you from developing relationships with colleagues and friends. Anxiety causes uncomfortable physical side effects ranging from headaches and sweating to severe digestive problems.

There are many different types of anxiety disorder including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder.

Generalized anxiety disorder is the most widespread form of anxiety. It causes intense fears about everyday situations such as completing chores or the health of your family.

Panic disorder causes panic attacks, in which sudden bouts of extreme fear emerge with a variety of physical symptoms including heart palpitations, rapid respiration, shaking, sweating, and crying.

Social anxiety disorder is also very common, causing irrational fears of rejection and humiliation in social settings. Your fears prevent you from comfortable social interactions with strangers, work colleagues, and even friends and family members.

Managing Anxiety

Fortunately, anxiety is treatable. Working with one of the licensed and compassionate therapists at North Brooklyn Therapy can help you learn to recognize your anxious thoughts and feelings, and adjust your behavioral responses. For example, many patients benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps you develop the skills to identify anxious and fearful emotions and control your response to those feelings. You may also benefit from practicing mindfulness, a meditative practice that helps you stay focused on the present moment instead of worrying about the future.

In addition to working with a therapist, you can take steps at home to manage your symptoms and enhance your quality of life.

6 Tips to Manage Anxiety

Cut out caffeine

As much as you love your morning — let’s be honest, any time of day — cup of coffee, caffeine is a stimulant that can amplify your anxiety symptoms. While herbal tea is no substitute for a strong cuppa joe, hot drinks like peppermint tea can provide a caffeine-free boost to get you through your 3pm slump and chamomile tea is known for its relaxing properties.

Aromatherapy

Speaking of mint or chamomile, you could also diffuse relaxing scents. Essential oils such as lavender, chamomile, and bergamot can help you relax while citrus and mint oils can lift your overall mood. Diffusers use steam to send the relaxing fragrances through your home. Alternatively, if you want to benefit from aromatherapy at work or outside of your home, you could wear a diffuser pendant or bracelet. You also can mix essential oils with carrier oils and apply them to your skin.

Get moving

Exercise burns off negative feelings and calories. If you find that your thoughts are racing out of control, even 20 minutes of exercise could help calm your mind. Exercise releases endorphins — your feel good hormones — which can help calm your mind and make you feel more positive overall.

Color

Adult coloring books are more popular than ever. When you focus on coloring in intricate designs or working on any craft-based hobby, your mind enters a relaxed state that’s very similar to meditation. This distracts you from your intrusive anxious thoughts and worries. So if coloring isn’t for you, try knitting, needlepoint, or whatever arts or crafts project appeals to you.

Breathe deeply

Everyone says to just breathe, and while it’s a cliche, take time out to take a few deep breaths and focus on filling and expanding your lungs before fully exhaling the used up air. You could imagine exhaling your negative thoughts and feelings.

Reflect and take action

Sometimes fears are founded in reality, but you need to take time to think about your feelings and determine if there is a legitimate reason. For example, if you know that the company you work for is downsizing, you may be right to feel nervous. But, when your fears are founded, you can usually take action to relieve or resolve the issue, such as searching for a new job if you know that your current position could be at risk.

If anxiety is disrupting your life, help is available. Call North Brooklyn Therapy to schedule an appointment with one of the compassionate licensed therapists today.

Do You Have the Winter Blues or Seasonal Affective Disorder?

It’s cold, dark, and dreary out there. You probably want to stay in bed where you’re cozy and warm with Netflix to keep you company. But if you’re losing interest in your hobbies and don’t seem to have any motivation or energy, you may be dealing with seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a type of depression triggered by the lack of sunlight during the winter.

What is SAD?

SAD is a type of cyclic depression that follows the seasons. As the days get shorter, darker, and colder each autumn, you get less sunlight. A lack of natural light not only increases your body’s production of melatonin, a hormone that helps you feel sleepy but also interferes with your serotonin production. Serotonin is one of the brain chemicals responsible for regulates your mood.   

If you have SAD, you probably have noticed that you tend to get depressed when the season changes every year. Women are more likely than men to experience SAD, and the condition is most often diagnosed in people between the ages of 18-30.

In addition to depression symptoms such as intense feelings of sadness and hopelessness, lost interest in previously enjoyed activities, and disturbed sleep, SAD also causes:

  • Low energy and motivation
  • Sleeping too much
  • Overeating and weight gain
  • Carbohydrate cravings
  • Social hibernation

If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms and are concerned about SAD or depression, contact North Brooklyn Therapy for help today.

Tips for managing your mood in the winter

Whether you’re dealing the winter blues or SAD, you can take steps to boost your mood, even in the darkest months of the year.

Stay active

Getting at least 20-30 minutes of moderate exercise every day can help regulate your move. Whether you get out for a walk at lunchtime — which can also help you get a little sunlight — ride your bike to and from work, or even attend an exercise class with a friend, moving your body every day provides plenty of physical and mental health benefits.

Eat your veggies

Eating a healthy, nutritionally-balanced diet is good for you all year long. However, since you’re more likely to crave carbs and comfort foods during the winter, filling up with fruits and vegetables ensures you get the nutrients you need for optimal physical and mental health without excessive calories. You should also watch your alcohol consumption, as it’s a depressant that can make your SAD symptoms worse.

Spend time with friends

You might not want to venture outside, but social interactions are a great way to boost your moods. If it’s too cold to go out, invite some friends over to watch a movie or play a board game. Talking and laughing with friends can make the weather irrelevant.

Set manageable tasks

It’s important to feel like you’re accomplishing tasks. Setting a job or goal for each day, whether it’s work-related or something you need to do at home gives you a sense of purpose and achievement. However, don’t overload yourself. Having too much on your plate can be overwhelming and ultimately demotivating.

Get up at the same time every day

When it comes to getting up in the morning, don’t battle with your snooze button and let the dark win. A sunrise-simulating alarm clock can gradually brighten your room for 20-30 minutes before you need to wake up, which wakes you naturally and helps you feel refreshed.

Get professional help

Depression and SAD are serious mental health issues that can negatively impact all aspects of your life. If you’ve been feeling depressed or hopeless for two weeks or more, you may need help dealing with your emotions. At North Brooklyn Therapy, the compassionate and experienced therapists can help you explore your feelings and develop strategies to deal with depression and SAD.

Is forgiveness necessary to heal from an abusive relationship?

Many people believe forgiveness is a necessary step in the healing process. It’s part of our culture and religion, and it’s often encouraged by mental health specialists as well.

But what happens when forgiving someone becomes the equivalent of giving them permission to hurt you again?

In this blog post, we’ll look at some of the reasons why forgiveness isn’t necessary to for you to move on and what type of forgiveness can bring peace of mind.

Misused forgiveness

In many cases of child abuse, forgiveness and hope that abusers will change keeps the dysfunctional family intact.

We’re taught to forgive and move on, especially when it comes to our family members. But anger is sometimes needed for victims of abuse to distance themselves from their abusers.

In later stages of healing, forgiveness is possible but can easily be used against the victim too. Just because we forgive doesn’t mean we should accept or try to dimish the abuse done to us. We’re just giving ourselves the peace of mind and the liberty to discard an emotional burden.

Why simply “moving on” won’t do

Depending on what type of abuse we’re talking about, moving on can mean simply shunning someone from our lives or confronting the abuser by contacting the authorities.

It’s not wise for someone who has been physically abused to just move away and risk being followed or harassed again. Authorities need to get involved, and ignoring the situation leads to more harm.

What is forgiveness?

When we forgive, we extend an invitation of reconciliation to someone.

In many cases, the people who wronged us won’t accept the offer. Worse, they’ll pretend their hurtful words and actions weren’t toxic at all.

Forgiveness is more about getting rid of the emotional burden of bitterness than about making peace with the abuser.

However, making peace with our own bitterness doesn’t mean diminishing the harm done to us and pretending it never happened. It just means we’re no longer locked in the same mental state about what happened in the past.

Final Thoughts

Forgiveness isn’t a necessary step to healing, though letting go of the bitterness can help. In some cases, pushing forgiveness on victims of abuse is downright insulting to their suffering. If you’re unsure about what to do regarding your past or current abusive relationships, or how you should deal with abusive situations, feel free to contact us.

Healing From An Abusive Relationship

Many people believe forgiveness is a necessary step in the healing process. It’s part of our culture and religion, and it’s often encouraged by mental health specialists as well.

But what happens when forgiving someone becomes the equivalent of giving them permission to hurt you again?

In this blog post, we’ll look at some of the reasons why forgiveness isn’t necessary to for you to move on and what type of forgiveness can bring peace of mind.

Misused forgiveness

In many cases of child abuse, forgiveness and hope that abusers will change keeps the dysfunctional family intact.

We’re taught to forgive and move on, especially when it comes to our family members. But anger is sometimes needed for victims of abuse to distance themselves from their abusers.

In later stages of healing, forgiveness is possible but can easily be used against the victim too. Just because we forgive doesn’t mean we should accept or try to diminish the abuse done to us. We’re just giving ourselves the peace of mind and the liberty to discard an emotional burden.

Why simply “moving on” won’t do

Depending on what type of abuse we’re talking about, moving on can mean simply shunning someone from our lives or confronting the abuser by contacting the authorities.

It’s not wise for someone who has been physically abused to just move away and risk being followed or harassed again. Authorities need to get involved, and ignoring the situation leads to more harm.

What is forgiveness?

When we forgive, we extend an invitation of reconciliation to someone.

In many cases, the people who wronged us won’t accept the offer. Worse, they’ll pretend their hurtful words and actions weren’t toxic at all.

Forgiveness is more about getting rid of the emotional burden of bitterness than about making peace with the abuser.

However, making peace with our own bitterness doesn’t mean diminishing the harm done to us and pretending it never happened. It just means we’re no longer locked in the same mental state about what happened in the past.

Final Thoughts

Forgiveness isn’t a necessary step to healing, though letting go of the bitterness can help. In some cases, pushing forgiveness on victims of abuse is downright insulting to their suffering. If you’re unsure about what to do regarding your past or current abusive relationships, or how you should deal with abusive situations, feel free to contact us.

Is your career making you unhappy?

Here are a few clues on how you can solve it.

Money alone doesn’t make us happy. But at the same time, is it realistic to expect for our careers to make us feel accomplished and satisfied all the time? What happens when we’re new at something and, while we’re keen to learn, we’re by no means masters of the craft?

There’s always discomfort in growth, and in order to become better at something, you need to be critical of yourself enough to see what can be improved and confident enough to take the necessary steps to improve it.

In this blog post, we’re looking at some of the ways you can find out what suits your abilities and how you can build a successful career.

1. Introversion vs extroversion in the workplace

Before you study for a certain degree or start a job, you have to determine where you are on the introversion/extroversion scale.

For example, does your dream job involve networking most of the time? Then it might be best suited for extroverts. Or is your career success determined by individual work instead?

Another aspect you should ask yourself is how will your abilities be used. For example, if you decide to work in real estate, being talkative, comfortable around others, and friendly may earn you a paycheck each month. But if you’re a bit reserved and introspective, you’re the wrong person in the wrong place.

2. Raw talent doesn’t make you successful—hard work does!

If you look at the daily routines of one of the most successful and talented people in the world, you quickly notice a pattern. They aren’t just born that way, but they’ve developed over the years due to consistent hard work. Romanticizing even creative work can lead to always waiting for inspiration to strike you when in fact even writing or composing a song takes a skill that can be learned and sharpened over the years.

Nobody wakes up one day and suddenly writes a best-selling book. Behind the “aha” moment, there are years of hard work involved.

3. Be aware of things you cannot change

In the workplace, it’s not just ability that helps you climb the ladder but also how your superiors see you. It may come down to whether you’re well-liked by them, or if the company constantly invests in their people.

There are many factors that you can’t control. Focus on the things you can control, such as your work ethic or the people you surround yourself with. If you believe you aren’t appreciated at your current workplace, there’s no reason for you to stick around and wait for things to change.

Wrapping up

Finding the right career path is tough. After all, there’s so much to choose from, but what’s worse, all of the information we’re exposed to is superficial. Even though we know how much a lawyer makes and how he makes a living, we’re rarely told what qualities a lawyer has to cultivate and what mundane tasks need to be done every day to ensure the success of their business.

If you’re unsure about how your personality plays a role in the career path that will make you feel satisfied, feel free to contact us.

3 Reasons Why People Overspend To Feel Better

spending money and depression

With 80% of Americans in debt, living beyond our means seems to be a national sport.

But how does this impact our long-term financial security? And what happens when we can no longer catch up?

 Many of us end up ordering fast food or overspending on cars and clothing, which gives us temporary joy but can lead to long-term consequences.

 In this short article, we’ll take a look at the 3 reasons why people overspend and how it’s often linked to our emotions and self-esteem.

1. Overspending is linked to a low self-esteem

Many of us fall into the trap of trying to be like everyone else, or better if possible. That means a better car and a better house, and it may also mean getting a loan.

But in many cases, this behavior is linked to not feeling valuable enough unless you possess certain things, as if your worth is directly correlated with how much you own.

This behavior can easily destroy your life if you don’t find other ways to look at yourself in a favorable light, because there’s no end to how much deep insecurities can make us spend.

2. Mental accounting is painful

The truth is that looking at our bank statements each month and maintaining a budget can be a daily reminder that we aren’t that well-off.

In many cases, however, this can be the opposite. We may not let ourselves spend that much, and in the long-term, we’ll have more financial security than someone who is chasing instant gratification.

You have to keep in mind that most people feel the same as you do when looking at bank statements. It’s far easier to ignore it, but enduring the pain of acknowledging that you need to make some budget cuts will save you a lot of hassle later in life.

3. We feel that we need to reward ourselves after doing great work

Most of us work hard for the money we make, and, yes, we do deserve a treat once in a while. But if you work hard every month, does that mean that you have to treat yourself each month as well?

This behavior can easily snowball into overspending on expensive clothing, meals, and electronics as a way to make yourself feel better for working hard. The trick is to find ways to reward yourself that cost less or are free.

Do you love exquisite meals? Learn to cook them yourself.  

Are you a voracious reader? Go to the library instead of taking trips to the bookstore.

Individual Counseling Services

 If you want to find out more about what triggers overspending and how you can control it, feel free to contact us with your questions.

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